Young Children: 4-8 Years Old

As children get older, they tend to get more curious about their bodies and the bodies of others. They may display their curiosities in these ways:

• Explore and understand gender specificity 

• Begin to adhere more strongly to social norms 

• Start to ask more specific questions about gender differences and specific anatomy

As always, answer these questions openly and accurately. Encourage them to come to you with questions.

Emotional, sexual, and romantic attraction is also on the minds of young children. Young children may begin to develop their own sexual orientation. They may display their curiosities in these ways:

• Explore and understand sexual orientation

• Develop a “crush” or feelings of interest for someone else

• Start to ask more specific questions about celebrities who identify as LGBTQ+

Allow children to talk with you about these feelings. Be supportive of these feelings and curiosities. Help them understand how to express their feelings healthfully and developmentally appropriate. Remember, teasing can make children feel ashamed or embarrassed. Teasing can also damage the open lines of communication you worked hard to build.

For young children, friendships become very important. This age is when strong same-sex friendships begin to form. Encourage children to make and keep friends. Let them know it's okay to express feelings of friendship. Teach them how to talk to their friends about how they like to be touched and to ask their friends how they like to be touched. 

Explain the differences between “safe touches” and “unsafe touches.” Children and their friends may become curious and want to share touches. Teach them that friends care for one another and help keep each other safe. Give examples of safe touches:

• changing a diaper

• a checkup at the doctor’s office,

• taking a bath

Be clear about an "unsafe touch." 

• When someone wants to touch, tickle, or play games with private parts 

• Any touch at all that makes them feel uncomfortable

• Adults NEVER need help with their own private parts

Children should know that it’s never appropriate to keep a secret. Keeping secrets can be a tactic used to gain a child’s trust or a way to keep them silent. Teach them the difference between secrets and surprises. 

• Surprises make a person feel good and something we want them to find out at some point

• Secrets can be unsafe, hurtful, and against the rules

Help build the self-esteem of young children. Self-esteem helps them feel empowered to enforce their own boundaries for their bodies. Reinforce them using appropriate names for all body parts functions. 

Bodies are diverse, and young children are conscious of others around them. Help them understand body diversity related to gender, shapes, and sizes. Model and encourage kind words when talking about bodies. Use phrases like:

• “Your body is healthy and strong.”

• “All bodies are beautiful and unique.”

• “No one should be made fun of because their body looks different.”

Young children are curious about bodily functions and why they occur. Help de-stigmatize normal bodily functions such as passing gas, burping, orgasms, and erections. Explain these functions in an accurate and appropriate way. 

Address what is and what is not appropriate. Children may explore their own bodies through masturbation. They may want to know why it “feels good.” Help them not feel ashamed about exploring their body. Encourage them to do it in private and at appropriate times.

The act of sex may also start to be a topic of conversation at this stage. It is common for young children to hear conversations about sex from other children or siblings. It is important to teach them what these words mean and to answer any questions they may have. Teach them they can ask you questions about something they heard from children, relatives, or adults.